Julia held her mug of cold chocolate milk and put it on her table. The table was not messy nor well-organized. It’s enough to place her mug, her laptop, her book, a bowl of cereal, and other important things (not important, but miscellaneous). Just like the other morning, Julia started her day by reading the online news, eating her cereal without the milk, drinking the milk separately, calling someone while putting her left leg up to her chair. It’s like a morning routine that never change for these past few years. She started to scroll up her contact on her phone and put it on her ear. That person she called was the same person she called yesterday morning and the other morning.
“Hello? Jules!!” Said the person.
“Nino! Are you fully awake? Ah, of course. You’re always wake up earlier than me”
“No, you’re the one who always wake up late”
“Nino, I have to tell you. Yesterday at the office, my heart was beating so fast. I hate it because It didn’t feel good.” Julia was being Julia, she changed the topic so fast.
“Did you drink coffee?”
“Yes” Julia chewed her dry cereal.
“The coffee was the only reason you didn’t feel good?”
“yea”
“You’re lying, Jules. It’s not only about the coffee”
“Okay… you’re right. I felt uneasy yesterday.. I missed someone and one of my friend was extremely sad and it made me anxious”
“Then, you drink coffee”
“Yes, so I could continue my work because before that uneasy feelings, I was so sleepy. The night before, I called my friends until past midnight, that’s wh..”
“Jules, I need to pee”
“Nino, you have to listen to me. That’s why I drank coffee. But my heart was beating so fast while I worked”
“Jules, I’m going to pee”
“Nino, should I stop drinking coffee?”
“Jules, first, you exactly know the effect of the coffee. Second, maybe the solution of your anxiety and your uneasy feelings was sleeping. Well, i think you felt uneasy because you needed more sleep. But when your body wanted to sleep, you denied it with the coffee. So, yes. You should stop.”
“Are you saying this while peeing?”
“Yes, because you keep talking”
Julia agreed.
“Nino, I wanna ask you. Why do people disappear when they’re sad?”
“Because they don’t wanna be sad anymore”
“Why disappear?”
“What do you mean by disappear?”
“Dissapear!! I have a lot friends they’re gone when they’re sad. I can’t call them, I can’t see them anywhere. It’s like they’re being snapped by Thanos! Are they sadder if they talk to me?”
“No” Nino’s voice became smaller.
“Nino, are you making a peanut butter sandwich? Your voice is becoming smaller and smaller. But don’t worry, I can hear you”
“Yep, and I have to buy another pack of bread tomorrow”
“Why did you say no?”
“I don’t get it”
“Why did you say that they’re not sadder when they’re talking to me?”
“Because it’s not the reason. They just don’t want to fill their heads with another opinion, because it’s already full with their own. A peaceful mind. It’s the only thing that they want. It’s not because they hate you or you making them sadder, no. Or maybe they want to listen to their heart then thinking about it”
“But I’m the one who’s sad when they’re not around”
“You’re selfish. You only think about your self. Your friends need to be alone”
“Yes, I’m selfish”
Nino and Julia went silent. They’re eating their breakfast.
“Nino, Are they selfish too? I mean, they also think about themselves. They don’t think about me who’s sad when they’re not around”
“They need it. You only feeding your ego. When you’re making your ego a priority, you’re selfish”
“So they’re not feeding their ego?”
“Their problems are more serious than yours”
“But you said that every problem matters.”
“Ok, so everyone’s selfish”
Julia went silent again. Her brain couldn’t understand where will this conversation going. Even though she still wanted to ask more questions. She kept it for herself.
“Nino?”
“Me”
“No, I’m just checking if you’re still there”
“I’m here”
“I don’t understand, Nino”
“Jules, have you ever disappeared?”
“I guess…. no?”
“yes you have. July last year, you’re in a vacation. No one could reach you. You didn’t update your social media”
“Right…”
“Why?”
“Why? I just wanted to. I didn’t want to meet people. My brain was full! It would have exploded if I talked to people”
“You didn’t hate them, right? They’re not making any problems with you, right?”
“You’re right”
“You’re friends here were worried and sad”
“No, they’re not!Because I told them that I needed a break”
“Yes, you told them. But they’re sad and worried. How did it feel when you’re taking a break?”
“The voices in my head. They became quiet.”
“Were you thinking about your worried friends here?”
“No! Oh! I was selfish. See? both of us, me, and my friends, we’re both selfish”
“Jules, I think you need to check your lavatory. I mean, the tap. The water is still…”
Julia went to her bathroom and saw the water was still dripping from her lavatory tap.
“You still remember my habit! It’s been a long time since the last time you slept here”
“Julia, how many of your friends that disappearing right now?”
“About three. I asked their other friends about them and they told me that they couldn’t reach them too”
“ok, I don’t get it. These three people, do they know each other?”
“no. of course not. They’re in different cities.Two of them are my friends from high school, the other one is my office mate”
“Jules, being selfish is bad… right?”
“I think.. it is bad. I mean, the word selfish has a negative meaning, isn’t it?”
“Everyone has their own ego, right Jules?”
“I agree”
“Is ego a bad thing?”
“To be honest, I don’t know. How do you think?”
“Me neither. But, maybe there’s a good ego and a bad ego”
“Nino. I’m stupid. I don’t understand”
“Julia, do you have a plan today?”
“This is a nice Saturday but I don’t have any plan”
“Ok, this is a plan for you”
“What is it?”
“Take a bath, watch a movie, then you sleep all day long”
“Why?”
“It’s a nice Saturday. You have to enjoy this weekend by chillin’”
Julia chuckled.
“But, Nino. May I go to the supermarket to grab a food for my cat?”
“Of course. Do it”
“Nino, I’m gonna take a shower. Bye!”
“Bye, Jules! Don’t forget to buy the cat food”
